i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
