Please, let me fuck your mom
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
