Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
