Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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