Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
