I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
