sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
