Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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