You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
