doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
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As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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