This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
