i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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