i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Someone came in the potted fern
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
