What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
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Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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