So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
