5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
