I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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