Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
