That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
