I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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