Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
