I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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