just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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