Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im having a threesome with these popsicles
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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