I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
