the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
