youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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