i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.