Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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