i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize