Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
