I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.