I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize