Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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