She is in my trunk
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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