I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
