Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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