i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
