Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
