i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sober January is a disaster.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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