problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
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I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
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I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My life is pants optional.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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