Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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