I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
