This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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