while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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