Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
