hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
