I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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