i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
