dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
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Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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