i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My hand turned me down
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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