sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
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I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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