saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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