Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
