why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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