the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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