Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
