sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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