It's like God shit irony all over that family
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
