Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
