Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
