I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
