You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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