i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
