Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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