Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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