i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
