Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
