I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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