We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
