I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
