you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize