we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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