I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
