Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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