...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
from now on my penis is your penis
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize