For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
