Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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