Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
