So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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