Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i now understand why vodka
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
