Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
