I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
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The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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