i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
