I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
