anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
