The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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