So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
