I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
